Disturbing Trend

Ok, I can't keep quiet any longer. For the past few months I have held my tongue while a disturbing new trend has been sweeping the nation, nay, the world. More annoying than Uggz, tight pants, and giant sun glasses combined. Over the past few months as I have traveled, something very shocking has caught my eye. Women are growing their toe nails out to extreme lengths in the name of art.

I get it, sometimes you're lazy, you don't wanna take care of business. It's fine, it really is. But what I have been witness too is not the result of laziness or indifference. Women are doing this to put murals on their freaken toe nails. The other day on the tube I swear a saw big toe with flowers on it that looked like it belonged on the rear end of a backhoe. Across the Caribbean this summer it was commonplace to see intricate forest or beach designs. Every where I look, women are growing their toe nails out like some giant, disgusting Frito chip. Fri-toe, as it were.

My point is, stop it. Just stop. It's gross. It's not attractive. And quite frankly it's dangerous -- those things could do some serious damage. Imagine rolling over in the night and catching one of those down your shin, like a Gillette Mach3 razor, only it's a toe, and it took off 3 too many layers of skin and now you have a staph infection. Caused by a miniature panorama of the last supper. Nobody wants that, so please, women of the world, just stop.